lazy line painter jayne

first comes music then comes marriage

(Then comes Mr. Darcy in an 18th century carriage? I dunno.)

I had these weird dreams a while back. In one of them my old beau flew into town to marry me out of the blue then flew back to his girlfriend after we got hitched. In a different dream I found out I was pregnant and I was really confused (and pretty angry) cause I haven't slept with any one. Apparently I was like the new virgin mary or something. It's just really odd cause I've never ever dreamed about that kind of stuff. I mean, I've had dreams where I like make out with people and stuff but never like settling down or anything. I'm obvioulsy much too young to worry about that sorta thing.

But I know some girls who have like their ideal wedding ring and dress and all that jazz planned out already, even though they're single. I think the most I've ever really thought about is the music and how I could so DJ my own wedding party. I could just pull out the iPod (which will probably be like 10000 GB by then) and plug it in. That way you could avoid the inevitablly awful Rent-a-DJ that plays nothing but crap. And then I'd give out mixed cds as party favors, or what ever they're called. The only song on my "must-include" list so far would be The Postal Service's "Brand New Colony". And how instead of having a ceremony and reception type deal I'd just want a buffet with a dance party. I don't know why people even bother with ceremonies.

Not that I'm planning to get hitched any time soon or anything. There's just not much else goin on right now to rant about (other than procrastination) and people around me have just been talking about that kinda stuff a lot lately. Like being domesticated and everything and how now girls delay it cause they can go to college and how one of the girls at work broke up with her beau cause he wanted to get married already. (Smart girl)

I just don't see the appeal of domesticity, at least not now. I guess it has a lot to do with my mother's mantra of not getting tied down till you've done everything you've wanted to do and all. It just seems like The Big End All. I mean, i know it isn't really like that. Like it's suppose to be like the begining of something else and all.

But i dunno, i guess i feel like i'm getting old too fast. next year i'm going to be 20. With an expected lifespan of about 80, that's like 1/4 of my life already gone! And say I do ever get hitched, it would probably be at the most 15 years from now (my mom was 35) cause for some reason getting around to it in your 40's (when half your life is up) seems weird.

So i've decided to start living like I only have 15 years left, which isn't much at all. Especially since 1/3 of that's probably school (at least 2 more under, maybe a postbac?, 2 years grad school?). So really it's more like 5-10 years of total independence. That's it (unless I become a spinster). That doesn't seem like nearly enough time to do much at all. A year or two goes by super fast.

But ya know, a working with a 15 year time limit might be really good for me. Deadlines help me get things done and they're the only thing that can keep me focused.... man. now i want to go compile another life to-do list.

Also, The new Delgado's album, Universal Audio, is really good.

posted by jayne @ 10:55 PM