Also, I went to the Thai temple with my parents today, pretty much just cause they like when I do and I had nothing better to do. But I think the more I go the more I realize how little it all means too me. Like I can do the chants cause I've done them so many times, but I never really knew what I was saying cause it's all Sanskrit. But today they did this weird thing where after each line they did it in Thai, (which really messed me up. I can't do things in bits and pieces when I've got it down as a straight shot.) and the little booklet in front of me had English translations.

And after reading it all it really makes me wonder why people bother. It just seems really really silly to me. It's not like they're prayrs to anyone cause there's no gods in Buddhism. The Buddha's just... a guy. More like a philosopher than anything. And the chanting is basicly just saying stuff like: "The Buddha was enlightened. All hunger/desire causes suffering. Unattachment and indifference is the way to end suffering." Obviously not exactly like that, but that's the gist of it. At least the stuff they did today. And I dunno, I guess I just don't see the point of chanting things. Maybe it's like the idea that if you tell yourself something enough you'll believe it. And I don't get the hands together and bowing stuff either.

I don't mind the lecture/sermon type things afterwards cause at least then the monks are just speaking in Thai and stuff (there's also an American monk there that does lecture type stuff in the next room for then non-Thai, of which there are actually quite a few). That's at least somewhat interesting, and more useful than chanting things I don't understand. I mean, I don't really have a problem with Buddhism on the philosophical level, cause i think it's a lot of good ideas for the most part.

I guess I do have personal issues with certain aspects of it... Mainly the whole idea of just spending your whole life avoiding attachment, desire and extremes to avoid suffering. I mean, I kinda think I avoid attachment unconsiously, but I'm not sure how well that's working out for me. Part of me feels like that's the main source of most of my issues. But the other part feels like that's what keeps me sane. I do like the whole notion of continual change being good though, cause it makes being fickle seem justified.

I also like that after all the stuff there's just a big free for all potluck/buffet table full of homemade Thai food.


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