writing...
i decided i should just start writing A LOT before going to bed again. it's been really hard for me to fall asleep here and i don't know why. it's not like ive got any major life issues to be mulling over or anything, but i can't seem to turn off my head head at night lately. i think i tossed and turned in bed a good 2 hours or so before i got so frusrated i just got out of bed to clean and read because i had to do something. so i think maybe if i just write lots i wont have much to mull over. plus after reading my old entries i feel like writing in my sort of longwinded pointless style again. ( i guess ive never really stopped that, but its different. at least i can tell)
I have semi-mixed feelings about liking to write so much. i mean, for the most part i know it's actually pretty good for me. and i do really like typing. but it also seems so... self indulgent? not sure if thats the word im looking for. but in any case i kinda feel like i shouldn't be this addicted to it still. it seems kinda childish. but on the other hand it's so a part of my life that i don't know what to do without it any more. i suppose there are plenty of other things i could be addicted to, most of which would probably be much worse anyways. so i dont think i really need to be worrying about a writing addiction. i also feel like i should be doing other, more productive, things with my time. but when i think about it compared to the typical alternatves this doesn't seem so bad....
**
ive had this window open for the past hour fully intending to continue writing. but ive keep getting distracted. im still reading though some old entries.. so i think i give on on this post. im just going to read tonight....
nostalgic
i've been reading some of my really old d-land entries tonight, and they make me laugh, not cause im funny but cause im such an idiot*. i think thats why i like to keep such an extensive written history of myself, the "wow, i can't believe i was so dumb" factor is very amusing. its just kinda cool to look back on things and even though some of the entries are kinda vuage and pointless i can still remember the details of everything that was going on. its funny to see how much i've changed....and how much is terribly the same of course. so i guess they're really only funny to me...
it's kinda sad though how im already kidna feeling nostalgic of highschool. I mean, dont get me wrong... highschool as a whole was pretty damn lame and college is 100x cooler. and i know my memory of things gets more selective as time passes, but there are some things i miss about it. maybe not highschool really, but just that period of time. i miss having people just showing up at my house randomly to hang out. i miss taking rides long rides in cars with my friends. i miss having lunch on the boardwalk on sunny days when we're surrounded by people. (or even those days when us hard-core lunchers toughed it out and ate outide in the rain and snow.) i miss that sort of mini social bubble. college is kinda a bubble too, but in a different way... i miss hanging out at chip's house, even though i always felt awkward at those parties. (i really dont do well in gatherings)
i guess i sorta miss my quantity of aquaintances and friends. i mean, it took like 18 years to "collect" that many so i mean i understand starting from scratch is different. and i think it was also a fair trade off, cause now i get a couple "high quality" friends. (top of the line, really. complete with 6-disk changers.) and i get to live with them.
im very excited for The Apartment, but also kinda worried. i guess i just fear a major falling out or something. or im afraid im going to go bitchy or become totall reclusive and anti social. which happens when i get too comfortable around people or see people on a fairly regular basis. (which might explain why its hard for me to keep friends very long...) i mean, im sure it will be fine, but i think it's a pretty reasonable thing to worry about.
*for instance:
-seriously trying to limit my prolific writing so i would hit exactly 100 entries on my journal's 6-month aniversary (which failed)
-scoring a 97% on a "how well do you know jayne" quiz, which i made myself.
-and lots of other dumb things.
past and present
i got camera happy today and took lots of pics. and messed with some of them on photoshop. i think this is my favorite out of the bunch cause it kinda scares me. baby-jayne looks almost like a posessed doll after "adult"-jayne. i know many people who are anti-filters but i don't think it turned out too cheesy...
me ~ sitting on some concrete
this obviously isn't ME. but i think it's a really cool pic. and makes me kinda chuckle. reminds me of Rene Magritte, who i did a paper on, so i thought i'd share. and try out this flicker bloging thing. I am totally in love with this
flicker thing. its SO all ive ever wanted in photo hosts yet so much more. i know im a nerd, but it really is awesome... so simple yet flexible.
so very sexy/geeky
okay, i think blogger has won me over. ive finally found a happy middle ground between d-land's customizablity and xanga's simplicity. im really stupid for avoiding it for so long because it was too "mainstream" or something like that. i'm such a loser for even caring. it's not like it matters anyways.. but i guess, being as prolific as i am, i might as well find something easy i actually like and i think this is very nice. i can even have different blogs with different layouts and i can even make seperae top secret blogs, all under one name! oh how very sexy. yes i am a total geek. but i don't care. im happy.
trying new things
im trying out blogger because im tired of spending time on layouts that dont work and suck for d-land. and xanga is still too rigid for me. i know it doesn't really matter at all, but whatever.
