unproductive
ERG!
where the hell did my weekend go? This has quite possibly been one of the least productive weekends ever for me. It's especially sad because I can't even remember what all I did with it. I guess it's cause Friday was a total waste, with me having to lay perfectly still for so long and all. And saturday was spent remounting most of my redo projects. Nothing like spending my Saturday night with my old friends Studio-Tac and X-acto knife...
why does it seem my college years are getting increasingly less college-y? I feel like I'm suppose to be out and about socializing... dancing... other activities that end in "-ing"
I was planning on getting so much done today but I just ended up going back home and eating a lot. And visiting Costco. So I guess at least I'm set on food till the end of the quarter.
It also occured to me, or rather it was pointed out to me, that I don't actually have any real hobbies right now... I mean I blog a lot, but I don't really think Blogging should count as a hobby cause I'd like to think of it as a journal of my activities.. not the center of them. But other than that I'm pretty much fully occupied with class projects. I guess I've also done illustration stuff lately but that was paid so i dont think that counts as a hobby either.
I'd like to think that my lack of "hobbies" is due to the fact that the things I do are enjoyable enough that they don't even seem like work to me at all. It's like my "work" and "personal entertainment" have found a way to co-exist peacefully. And that's actually pretty cool but it also feels a little lame. For some reason I feel like I'm suppose to have other things to steal my time, but none of the typical life-wasting activities really appeal to me. And I feel like I've tried so many things already... I guess I'm just in the market for a new hobby.
nerd
OMG. I just discovered bloglines. At last, my addiction to blogs and flickr can be managed in a nice and orderly way... it's so cool having everything all together like that... technology is so great! It took me so long to figure out what the rss/atom thing was all about. I don't really know why, i know its not really that complicated but now i'm just like.. This is so great! I can't really explain why this makes me so happy, cause I'm not even really sure. Probably cause it makes it so easy for lazy jayne to get in her daily dose of other people's lives... I wish old diaryland would get with it and do rss feeds too.
also, it makes me so sad the blogger hoodie is only avilable in XXL...
dizzy up the girl
I actually really don't like the goo goo dolls, but the title seemed appropriate.
I spent most of my friday night lying as still as possible cause I was dizzy for like hours. I was even too dizzy to blog, which was what upset me the most.... If I drank and knew what it was like to be drunk I would imaging that's what it would feel like. Everything was just all shifing to the left when I walked and it kinda felt like I was missing some frames so things looked a little stop motion-y. I'm not sure what made me so dizzy, but riley and peter think me being sick screwed up my inner ear balance thing. I think it might have also been due to the fact that I was dancing to Daft Punk, laying on my back, legs up and kicking at the air, cause thats when I started feeling shitty. Apparently my body doesn't like upside down dancing.
T-day was good. Riley, my bro, his new girlfriend, and I went out to Salty's on Alki for their big T-day buffet which turned me into a big ball of happy. It was really really yummy, and made me realize how much I like ham. It makes me want to go down to the honey baked ham place and pic some up. It was cool meeting Jay's new belle, who's very cute, and it made me so very happy to see them together.
Afterwards, Riley and I watched Frida. Full of art, pretty visuals, radicals, and girl on girl action. Good stuff.
afterschool special
So kids, what did Jayne learn today?
Figure out a budget and compensation BEFORE starting any work for anyone. And don't work for crazy overly ambitious people that clearly don't know what they're doing.
You'd think I'd be smart enough to realize this on my own and not have to learn from experience. But apparently not...
They kept avoiding telling me what their budget was and asking me for an estimate, so I gave them a really really low number* based on illustration pricing guidelines and what my bro, his boss, and my design prof told me. I don't think it was unreasonable, especially with the turn around and sheer quantity** they were looking for. So they reply with an angry email about how they're donating their time to help educate these 3rd world kids and can't possibly afford what I asked. That I don't work fast enough and how they think it's a skill level thing*** and how they pretty much won't use or pay for the 3 things I've already done for them because they want the rights to it.****
* Thesepricing guidelines describe projects, the details, the compensation, and comments for different situations. The VERY lowest example was:
Sunday school, number of illustrations: 15, time: 4 wks, payment $10 each, comments: this is slave labor
And I was actually offering them way more for LESS with a much faster turnaround.
**we're talking like 580 illustrations by the end of the year with a total of 1380 by the end of Feburary 05.
***apparently they're looking for 12 illustrations per hour. But you know, even for just really simple line drawings, for them to not look like shit you'd have to spend more than 5 minutes on each one. Cause I mean, if I do stuff I don't want it to look shitty, but maybe that's just me. And maybe it is a skill level thing and I really just can't output that much that quickly, but you know I think if you're THAT good you wouldn't be working these kind of crap jobs anyways.
****I generally don't care about copyright stuff cause I'm more of a creative commons kind of person. But completely handing over my rights to my own work? no way.
Okay. this is way too long. I think I'm done venting... better get to bed.
brain hurts.
the non-profit is asking me to give them a rate for this big project and it's giving me such a major headache. my brain is just like "AHHH!!!!! NUMBERS!!!! NO!!!!!" all this adding.. and dividing.. and fractions....
and then there's the whole uncertain aspect of the intangible things like experience and quality and psychic ability.... well maybe not psychic, but the ability to estimate how long it will take me to finish things.
I'm not a business person. Although I suppose I should learn to be since if I do freelance it'll basicly be a little buisness of me. I think the problem is the woman I'm dealing with IS in business, so she's a tricky one.
So i've asked some of the art "elders" for some sage advice. mainly my bro, his boss, and my design prof. and I'm glad I did cause they're realistic and giving me advice on how to not get screwed over and taken advantage of. But it still hurts my brain.
I was going to come home and work on my project but instead I've been mulling over all this trying to figure out something that's fair, even though no matter what I come up with I know they won't be able to afford it...
erg!
excitement!
I don't know why I'm so happy that my bro's got a new belle, but I am. I'm REALLY happy for him. I guess I'm just happy he's got a woman that's not animated. Apparently she's kind of a goth and only a few years older than me. It's kinda sad that I'm like, oh she's like close to my age.. maybe she can be my friend too! I'm really excited to meet her on T-day when we all go out to diner.
Also, apparently one of my illustrations, the little iPod one, is going to be in this week's Seattle Weekly gift guide. The other one (the books and music gift guide cover) is a few weeks away. I'm going to grab lots of copies tomorrow and bask in my small claim to fame. I think I'll save some for portfolio type stuff, and then put one on the fridge. But when the cover comes out I'm totally going to frame it or something. Not in a showing off how awesome I am way, but just cause I'm really really happy with it and it's a pretty big deal to me, cause it's like my first real illustration work and all.
But now to work on my silly project that's driving me crazy cause I don't know what to do. I've come to realize it's sort of like playing Taboo with Pictionary. I have to get people to say something without just drawing it or the cliche "taboo" things. And it's hard...
freezer pops
so... i've learned that these grape flavored medicatied anti-cough freezer pops are no good. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that they're for kids so I'm suppose to have like 4 of them to get the right dosage. And since it's medicated it tastes like medicine (who would have thought) so having to eat it in bites kinda slows the process and drags out the nasty. and I actually really dont like grape flavored anything (except for actual grapes, which i love.). So i dunno i guess it'd be good for those kids who like that crappy grape medicine. So I guess from now on I should just stick to the big kid medicing that doesn't come in convenient popsicle form. But yeah, feeling pretty miserable right now, especially with the monthly on top of it all. I wish my daddy was home so he could give me prescription meds, although i probably just need cough medicine...
At least I'm wearing my wonderful stripe sweater that makes me dancey so thats good.
also, I've decided that this quarter for the first time in a while I actually feel like I'm being pushed in my art classe, like in a good way. It's like just enough frustration to keep me interested but not so hard that I give up. I guess its just that feeling of improvement that I'm getting now. For a while it seemed like I plateaued or something where I wasn't getting any better at anything... but now i feel like i'm actually learning things that are really useful, even for for non-design stuff. And I've grown fond of my design prof and really like talking to her in office hours. She like eases my worries while pushing me on at the same time.. or something like that. I mean she's not one of those annoying profs that are totally easy on everyone even when they suck (like my middle school art teacher), but she's not really evil either. So it's a pleasant middle ground. And even if i dont make it, i dont think the class has been a waste of my time at all so that's a plus. Although it has made me want to get in even more, and setting me up for an even harder heartbreak, but whatever.
feeing physically miserable but pretty peachy otherwise. (emotionally its more unstable... but thats just the monthly.)
sick
erg. jayne be sick. or something. actually it's more like just my throat feeling constantly scratchy or phlemmy so I cough and it does nothing. Its just more frustrating than anything. mainly cause coughing alot makes me feel like i need to throw up.
It's probably not true, but I feel like this is my body being mad at me for eating meat again. I don't really know why it would have anything to do with it but thats just how i feel. maybe my throat isn't use to it? cause I don't remember getting annoying throat sick a whole lot before. but since i've "crossed over" i've been like this a couple of times. I mean, its the only thing that's really changed in my environment. Maybe I'll switch back soon. It's not like I'm catching it from someone cause everyone i know is fine. But it's not like I'm eating huge amounts of it now. I've pretty much just had sandwich meat, and still sticking to my fake meat products for other things because I actually really like them. Or maybe my body is mad at me for not going to judo this week. I don't know...but I'm pretty sure my body is mad about something.
on a totally unrelated note, my favorite kind of people are the ones that pretend they have experience and do cool stuff even though they've never done it before or had any propper training. I just like that they've got so much faith in their abilities. I dunno, I guess I've just been thinking about it cause I'm working on my paper and I've discovered Geoff McFetridge is one of my new heroes. I mean I liked his work before, but seeing how much stuff he does as a one man design firm is so cool.
I've also decided to add another thing to my life to do list: design a movie title sequence. For some reason it never really occured to me that movie title sequences were done by design people but I've always been into them. I always assumed it was just part of the film people's thing. But yeah, that would be really cool.
And I think I will do an open mic this year, just because I've never preformed like that before.but just not yet cause i havent had time to practice, but I think I'll be okay once I get my paper out of the way, cause then I've just got my final project left. but im thinking december sometime, which is soon.
union
I picked up America (the book) today just cause i look at it everytime im at the bookstore cause it makes me chuckle. and it was on sale.
I've realized another reason to want to get into vcd. (yes, this is another long rant about vcd. I can't help it, thats just what's front center now...)
I really want to be part of the small (22 student) design family. I want to work with a group of people who are creative and competent. I want to be a part of that little community and have classes with the same people for the next two years and build relationships with them, which seems rather un-jayne like i suppose cause it'd be so much...sameness..
But I dunno I've been thinking about it (alot) and if i didn't make my way to that little family I don't think i'll ever really get any sense of a community here. I mean, i could like join clubs and groups and stuff but im not really all that interested in any of them. and the other majors I'd be into dont seem nearly as close knit. It would be nice to actually have peers to relate to.
I guess I like the fact that it doesn't seem like a really solitary art. Well, it can be. But it's got more collaboration potential than say like painting, which is really just you and a canvas. Cause even though I've said I don't like group work, that usually refered to crap ass history projects in highschool or something where no one does their work. I'd like to think it would be different at this level. I also like the fact that there's so much room for adaptation and changes. (unlike metals, which is all like measure twice cut once shit)
But what I really want right now is a sense of a creative community...like an art mafia. Like, even in ap art the last two years of highschool there was a little feeling of a circle. I mean, remember how there were the kids in the "band cult" and the "swing choir cult" and all that? I want to be part of something like that.
I probably should have just gone to a smaller school or something. That would have made it much easier on several levels (like not having to worry about 2 cuts). But I like being surrounded by a really diverse group of people. People who are into totally different things than me are cool cause they bring lots of different things to the table. But it'd be nice to also be surrounded by a smaller inner circle of peers who are into similar things.
I just think it might be easier to find people who might be interested in collaborating with me for projects and stuff.
At least I should get some collaboration type action next quarter with only 18 people in the public art class, so thats good.
poly thoughts
today we watched a film about this couple that was trying to be polyamourous. it was kinda interesting.
there was a time when I thought I'd be into that. mainly after meeting a couple of poly girls this summer who were pretty cool (and cute). and i guess it's not that i wouldn't be into it, i mean it obviously appeals to the variety and anti serious commitment side of me. but i kinda think it'd just be way too time consuming. you'd have to put so much work into it and i dont even have enough time for myself as is. And it's hard enough to find one person to get along with. But that's not to say I wouldn't try it if I could for the hell of it. I dunno, i was just thinkin about it and avoiding my homework.
erg. back to my Thematic Compositions i suppose.
doubts
So today was our VCD faculty panel thing where they basicly just talked about the program and answered questions and stuff. But unlike the student panel, which I found to be encouraging and motivating, the faculty panel made me kinda depressed and doubtful. Not even the selection process, I'm not really worried about that any more.
My main issue was when she said design is not a self-initiated field. like, there will always be a client, unlike most artists where they do things for themself. And most don't do more than a few types of design (ie print, web, exhibhit, etc). And the fact that they say if you want to do design and dont make it in you should just go to a different school.
And I understand that as a career and for practical reasons you'd need to have clients to work for and stuff, but it's the part about not being a personal self-initated thing that bothers me the most. Because I think it (or anything really) can and should be driven by personal interests. Maybe it's cause I'm doing my paper on Geoff McFetridge (and Jonathan Ive) who I totally admire. He's driven by his own interests and does things that are personal and fun. And he makes things. Lots and lots of different things. He's done stuff in so many different areas.
I guess how i see it is, if no one gives you a book or cd or something to design, then why not just write a book or record a cd to design? I mean, I understand a degree in design is very helpful, but if you really want to do it you can. Maybe it's cause I've got a more traditional art mindset and I know im not really a designer. but I'm not crazy. People do it. Adrian Shaughnessy and Rick Poynor agree with me:
"On one side there is professional practice in all its forms; on the other a field which he terms “design-culture graphics”. This territory is inhabited by designers doing their own, often self-initiated thing: publishing books and magazines, starting websites, and designing and selling T-shirts, posters, DVDs, and other graphic doodads. “Stylistically it is usually radical, adventurous and sometimes even downright purposeless,”
I guess the picture the faculty painted was much bleaker and limited than I wanted. my prof has office hours now and i should really be there talking to her but I just wasn't up for it today. I just wanted to come home, have some fake meat, and blog.
and now to think of ideas for the last project.
arg. i just want it to be spring, so i can stop worrying and ranting about the same issues.
sunday sunday
Hmm.
So, I saw the The Dresden Dolls on Friday which was pretty cool. "coin-operated boy" is a great song: "coin operated boy/ sitting on the shelf he is just a toy/ but i turn him on and he comes to life
automatic joy/ that is why i want a coin operated boy/ made of plastic and elastic / he is rugged and long-lasting/ who could ever ever ask for more/ love without complications galore/ many shapes and weights to choose from/ i will never leave my bedroom..."
Spent most of Saturday with the family which was nice. They just got back from Thailand and they're going to Vegas tomorrow. Being retired sounds like fun.
I'm sort of in this weird daze right now. I've spent so much of my weekend feeling good about being quasi productive and stuff, although mostly not for school stuff. I've been doin fun stuff, but I just feel kinda burnt out or something. I sure as hell don't have any idea what to do for my next (and final and most important) project. I feel a little drained of ideas now and really just wanting this quarter to be over soon so I can go home. maybe im just sleepy.
will draw for cookies
Also, I might be getting some more illustration work! doing kids books and finally learning to use Flash! Thats like.. two whole life goals* right there!
I met with the very ambitious couple who posted the ad today. They seem very into their projects... I'm not totally sure about how it's going to work out and stuff yet. But there's a high potential of goodness in this. I can feel it. Unless these people are more dreamers than do-ers. But supposedly the wife is in marketing and the husband has a long history of business, printing, and computer science. so I think i have some faith in their abilities...
I feel ambitious lately. Doing all this stuff for my own personal amusement makes me feel so fuzzy inside. sort of a personal fulfillment or something in place of that weird void that was lurking around for a while... I dunno. But I feel really good.
(* I think learning flash is a very valid life goal, and it would make up for my sucking at the novel-writing life goal, which I think I've abandoned. There are too many other things going on this month.)
blah blah..winter classes etc......
I don't have my sex section today. but still got a class in a bit... so... blogging time!
I woke up all early today for Registration Day so I could get into the figure drawing class, but apparently I have to be declared as an art major first. Which I suppose makes sense, and I feel kinda dumb for not realizing it. I can always take it later on though, so it's alright. ( I think they've finally got everything sorted out at the SOA cause last year they were in the process of changing things and things were different and confusing. But now it all seems to make sense. )
But I couldn't NOT have an art class. I mean, I might be getting into the next design class but that's not for sure. I want to have another studio class anyways. So I signed up for
"Intermediate Sculpture Composition -- Public Art: Winter '05 Projects: Students will receive commissions and real budgets to create sculptural works on University Ave lightposts."
I've never taken any scupture classes here, so it's a bit upperlevel for me. But after seeing all the cool stuff at the CMA (ceramics & metal arts) facility this summer I really want to try my hand at some large scale art. Cause I mean, what could be cooler than welding and carpentry? I had the same teacher for my public art class this summer and so he let me into it even though I'm not a sculpture major.
Also registered for Computer Programing 1, Intro to Communications 1, and....DINOSAURS!
yes, dinosaurs. Its just a little 2 credit lecture class and I needed a few more credits. and i like dinosaurs.
I'm taking computer programing mainly cause I've never done any of it before. I mean, I could have taken more straight up math or science to fulfill the natural world requirement, but i did that stuff for years, and they've lost their appeal. Plus at least in computer programing we'll get to make stuff, and it gives me +50 dork points.
And Communications I'm planning on dropping.
Not cause I don't wanna take it, cause I really do. But if i get into the next vcd class i'll have to drop one of my classes and it would over lap comm. But if I didn't make it, I'd be fine too cause I also really like my schedule as it is now too espcially since as of now i have no 8:30s... so that's nice.
and this is definately way too long now.
euphoric
!!!!!!!!!
SO HAPPY TODAY!
I don't think it's really anything particular. But I attribute the overflowing joy to the mere fact that I'm wearing my Sexy Shirt. (its just a black button up. 3/4 sleve. but i really like it cause it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.).
And i dunno, I've just been so excited all day!
and then to top it off Scott tells me about THE GREATEST CONCERT LINE UP EVER.
Dec. 9th. Key Arena. 6 pm. $35
Deck the Halls Ball 2004:
The Shins, The Killers, Modest Mouse, Snow Patrol, Franz Ferdinanz, and Keane!
I've been so excited for it ever since he told me. I don't care about anything else that might keep me from going. I'm going to that concert, or my little heart will implode. It's just SOOOOOOO much awesomeness under one roof. I haven't been this excited for a concert in a long time. It's just that this is one of the few several-bands-playing-together-things where I actually LOVE ALL the bands. Usually i go to them for like one or two. But SIX! that's just... amazing. almost orgasmic.
And today was pay day! (I think this time im at 8/hr? I guess I should find out how much I'm suppose to be making...just cause The first time it was like 7.50/hr. the second time it was 8.50/hr. and now i think it's 8? I don't know whats up with that. I asked Scott when I started how much it paid and he was like "I don't really know, probably just minimum, like 7.50, but you move up quickly" )
And my bro's boss says she really likes what i've done so far and is sure they'll use them. one on the cover! and a few in the story. although I still need to do one or two more for the inside. So that's really cool.
And now we're going to see The Incredibles because we don't have school ( or work! ) tomorrow!
YAY!
energy
There's sort of a creative energy radiating from this apartment lately. Well, maybe not radiating. Probably more of a lofting action really. But it's in the air... i can feel it. and hear it. lots of music making, mostly from peter. it's all very good and makes jayne very happy.
It just feels like I have too many things going on in my head right now though. sort of an idea overload or something, which is good... I mean i'd rather have an overload than a drought but still, just so many different projects to do right now. So much... thinking up ideas. for school projects, for the novel that i'm sucking at, for the seattle weekly stuff, for contest stuff, for music stuff. So much.
Now I just have to avoid the tv. I swear it's evil... I'm always set on doing things when I'm home but when i walk by and that 70s show, simpsons, family guy, futurama, or the daily show are on i find it terribly difficult to keep walking. must... stay away from it...
I'm also happy cause I've stopped being sore from judo. Like when i started i'd be sore the next day just cause i'm terribly out of shape and all. But now my day-afters don't bother me at all. although the ankle is still kinda messed up. eh. we get to do chokes tomorrow. whee!
ok. novel time. really.
current: 2485
I think i should just start making it completely ridiculous. Even though I know it's destined to be crap I've been spending to much time trying to think of a storyline or point of some sort. but ya know what? I'm way behind. Screw coherence.
impressive
I've done SO LITTLE school related work (or even work-work) this past week that it amazes me. I don't even know where all my time has been going to lately.
Well, some of it is accounted for. Like, this weekend we hung out at Trabant for this show and I drank way too much chai. One of the guys I use to work with at MJM is working at Trabant now, which is cool cause I always liked that guy. plus, he gave me two drinks instead of one. The show was pretty good, but I was more amazed by how many pretty people were there. I dunno, maybe it's just cause I don't really go out to big social things very often, but there were just a LOT of people that made go "Mmmm...yum..."
Peter's trying to get me to perform my Latte song at Trabant's monday open mic night. I would actually kind of like to do it, just because performing scares me shitless and it'd be good for me. I'm not sure Im really up for it yet though. But we came home and played some guitar and he made a second guitar part for the Latte song and it sounds silly, but in a good way cause it's a pretty silly song to start.
I also went shopping, because apparently I'm really obsessed with clothes now? Not really, but it feels like that's where all my money is going lately. but yeah, picked up a sweater and pants that makes me feel oh so fuzzy inside.
But the rest of the week's free time is unaccounted for. Getting 2 weeks for the photo project instead of one just makes me drag it out longer and do less at a time for it. I think it's cause I'm not really into photography? I mean, it's cool and kinda fun but when it comes to making stuff, I never really want to make it with photography.
Been working on the illustrations for Seattle Weekly though, which makes me happy. Hopefully she'll actually use them. She says she's gonna get me more info about the cover soon. I'm not sure if that means I'll get to do a cover illustration? It'd kick so much ass if I did. I mean, it would like make my...year... to see my stuff in the front of the SW boxes all over the city for a week. And even if it was just an inside illustration, it'd still rock my socks.
Also did a logo for this logo design contest. Prolly won't win, but I've learned that contests are never a bad thing.
And the novel?
current word count: 1842
where I should be: 10200
I have a feeling I'm not going to make it. especially when I waste precious typing energy on blogging! damn! this entry was too long.
seriously depressed
Man. I guess living in Seattle really is like being in a bubble. Being here made it seem like there was no way that Bush would have any chance of winning. Maybe that's what's so awful about it to me. I just don't understand how it's even possible. Looking at that red and blue map just amazes me.
What is it about living in the midwest and south that makes people republicans? Is it just cause it's hot and or land locked? I lived there my whole life and I turned out normal. Why is the west coast and northeast so much more sane than the rest of the contry?
I think it definately interesting how Washington D.C. was like 90% Kerry. I mean, those are the politics people. They obviously know what's going on.
Well, at least now I've got a nice idea of places I never want to live.
Hawaii, Washington,Oregon, California, Wisonsin, Minnesota, Illinois, Michigan, Pennsylvania, New York, and all those little states in the upper right corner that I can never remember. Those are all good. The rest of the country, no thanks.
This is going to be a long 4 years.
i dont know
The election is too close. it makes me nervous.
also, my daily word count goal is like 1700. it's been two days. I have 228.
nanowrimo
Also, today is the first day of nanowrimo. So I'm pretty sure the blogging is going to be a little thin this month. But hopefully I'll have a novel by December. So far I have like half a paragraph.
Halloween
I felt like dressing up for Halloween this year cause it's fun. I grew very fond of my outfit. I may just dress up like this randomly. we took way too many pictures.
